Why? The question we asked again and again. The most I can make of it is that a little boy needed someone to pray for him.
It wasn't easy flying to Moscow without knowing anything, but we are thankful we met with a doctor the night we arrived to learn about minor and serious medical diagnoses that may be in our selected child's medical report. Tuesday was the day we got in the car to go to Moscow's social services office to talk with the staff. When we sat down, the social services worker greeted us and selected a piece of paper on the top of a large stack. She asked us if we'd like to meet an 11-month old baby boy. We anxiously accepted, still knowing nothing beyond a brief physical description and age. A son! I immediately thought about Anya, and how she wouldn't really have a sibling to "play" with yet, but a baby has had limited exposure to institutionalization, which is always good. I felt my heart racing.
We went inside a large, black metal gate which surrounded the gardens, playground and orphanage. We put our blue booties over our shoes as we stepped inside, and were escorted to the doctor's office. We sat down with our translator, and the doctor began reading the medical report. When she gazed up from reading the report, she always looked out the window, never at us. It's as though she didn't want to see our faces, but we knew it wasn't a good sign. The medical report was devastating. All the red flags and more. I hung on to the one good part: he is standing and making a few sounds. The doctor remarked several times, "No guarantees. We don't know how far he will go". We were told we could not visit him, but our translator insisted a concession should be made, and so we were given 5 minutes with the child, as 3 social workers and the doctor looked on, and made more unfavorable comments. I was still happy... holding him and thinking, "How can we make this work"?
We couldn't. As painful as the decision was, we know that we aren't equipped to parent a special needs child. We hoped that there might be a child in Moscow who would be a right fit, but we were informed that there was not. We left Moscow discouraged and questioning whether we made the right decision to return to Russia. It certainly didn't feel right while we were there. Had we been taken for fools?
The plane ride home was bittersweet. We saw many couples returning with children and met couples who had a successful trip. We politely answered questions, but it was difficult to want to talk. An hour after arriving at JFK, we went to get a coffee at Starbucks, and another couple approached us. They had seen us on the plane and wanted to talk. We spoke for about 5 minutes, until my brother approached (read: saved) us. He had been overseas for a 6 month period and had just arrived home. Neither of us knew that the other was at the airport, but what a surprise and great relief it was to just have 20 minutes with a family member before our connecting flight to Atlanta. I didn't realize it then, but that was God providing comfort! We didn't have to wait to get to Atlanta to experience that - God placed my brother in JFK airport at the exact moment, in the right place - to meet us with a giant hug. It's a miracle, literally...how many people, let alone family members, have you randomly seen in a busy international airport?
We were thankful to have our family surround us for the Christmas holidays a few days later, and it was a wonderful experience to see Anya truly enjoy Christmas for the first time. It was a welcome distraction to the disappointment, sadness, anger and confusion Travis and I both felt.
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